Depravity Kills

Window To The Soul

2005-06-22T01:54:27Z

For those that share my taste for smeared mascara-

I Forgive You

2005-04-26T05:03:26Z

Lost Angels

2005-04-24T05:30:13Z

My first truly shameful confession- I like a Nickelback song.

Figured You Out.

It's corny, overproduced radio rock, but the lyrics really speak to me. They play into a very longstanding fetish of mine.

A sampling-

"I like your pants around your feet
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favorite damn disease

And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say "No"
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose

And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out

Now I did, you wonder why
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed
While you put me to the test

I like the white stains on your dress
I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck

And I love your lack of self respect
While you're passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck"

For as long as I can remember, the very thought of a girl that was a self-destructive, coked-out, whore has really turned me on.

When I was 10 years old I would fantasize about growing up and having girlfriends that were junkies and prostitutes.

Watching a girl snort a line or drop an E has definitely been known to get me hard.

Later in the song, he talks about how he hates all those same qualaties. The simultaneous attraction and repulsion is a wonderful part of the charge. Who knew you had it in you, Chad?

Even the "figured you out" lyric plays into it for me. For as long as I can remember, I've always been attracted to things that are bad and dirty and depraved. When I see some slutty chick getting loaded, it's like she's sending me a signal, letting me know she's one of my kind.

She's lost too.

Fuck, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Flying High Again

2005-03-23T18:52:12Z

Smoking weed has the most delightful effect on M- it makes her really horny and really passive.

“Just do what you want with me,” she said.

As I kissed and rubbed my way down her back to her juicy, sweet ass, a deliciously obscene aroma whispered to me that this was going to be a night to remember.

It didn’t take more than that for me to have her ass in the air and my face buried between her delightfully sweaty and ripe cheeks. I really indulged, pulling her big, round globes apart and pressing my nose right up to her fragrant brown flower. I sniffed, I tongued, I wiped her moist crack-essence all over my face. M was just drifting along in her hazy little dream world and I was in heaven.

After gorging myself on ass, I needed relief. I turned M over on her side and slipped into her pussy from behind. She was a thrilling combination of semi-conscious and soaking wet. I worked in and out slowly, lingering, greedily taking the time to savor every inch and second of repeated penetration. Weed is like an industrial strength dose of Lastalnite for me, so it felt like I was pushing in and out of her, feeling her get wetter and more open with each thrust, forever. The sheer length of it began to take on a wonderfully vulgar quality.

Gradually, M began to “come to.” Magnificent little slut that she is, her first instinct was to take my hand and place it on her throat. I began to squeeze and she let out a little whimper, fucking back against me hard. I gripped down harder and started to really pound away at her. I felt complete surrender from her. I could read her thoughts- “Split me in half.” “Squeeze the life out of me.” “I don’t care. Use me. Abuse me.”

Now, I’ve strangled M plenty of times before, and given her some monstrous power fuckings, but I don’t remember ever going this hard before. I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to handle it and I didn’t really care. It’s an amazing rush to turn off your rational brain and just surrender to your body’s desire for what feels good in that moment, without a second’s consideration for the consequences. Even if it had been too much for her, she’d have had no way of letting me know with my vice grip cutting off her air. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, some semblance of coherent thought was dwelling on what a bad idea this was, both of our judgments as severely impaired as they were, but, honestly, that just made it that much hotter for me. The recklessness, the abandon, it’s like a drug in its own right.

“Yeah, you like that? You like being a fuck doll just for my pleasure? You like me pounding away at you with the stink of your ass all over my face? I can still taste your ass on my lips, you dirty slut. Can you smell it?” The only response I got was a tiny, wet gasp. I absolutely flooded her. I thought come was going to leak out her nose.

“Good girl,” I told her, stroking her hair as she began to drift off for good.

I could still smell her on me when I woke up the next morning. We don’t like to talk about it the next day, but I know she knew exactly what I was thinking whenever my gaze would linger a little too long on her turtleneck over brunch. Making a girl blush in front of her Mother is a sweet delight all its own.

Constantine

2005-02-27T09:40:48Z

Damn, that bathtub scene was really fucking hot.

Open your mouth and close your eyes . . .

2005-02-16T18:06:17Z

I really want to piss on a girl.

I'm a little surprised that with all the depraved shit I've gotten into that I haven't done this yet, but, like they say, tomorrow's a new day.

The thought of doing it with some kinky role-playing chick that's into degradation doesn't do it for me though. How is it really degrading and humiliating if you agree to it and plan it ahead of time?

Why pretend when you could have the real deal?

I want to do it with a completely vanilla young thing, someone who’s never even considered this kind of thing, the very first time we hook up, before she knows anything about my depravity.

In the middle of our by-the-numbers encounter, I'll just aim at her face and let 'er rip, completely by surprise. I love to picture the look of shock and disgust on her face as she realizes what's happening. I think that my abandon at just letting the piss fly right there in my bedroom will only compound her terrible surprise.

I can't wait to see how she'll react. Horror and rage are likely. She probably won't just grab her clothes and flee the apartment, running out into the night with her hair dripping piss, although that would be hot. Leaping out of bed and locking herself in the bathroom might be a natural reaction in the moment, but it's funny to think about the increasingly awkward and humiliating scenario that would arise when she ultimately had to come out to leave.

Funny enough, I think one very likely reaction will be to just lie there and take it, in stunned, disgusted silence. I've found that a lot of girls are so self-conscious during a first time hook up, so internally awkward, unsure and off balance, that you can pretty much get away with whatever you want and they won't be able to process an appropriate reaction fast enough to stop you. It’s funny how deeply ingrained social convention is, even in the most extreme circumstances. Quickly, the moment to object has passed and it’s easy for her to feel trapped in what feels like a kind of silent, terribly reluctant quasi-consent.

I love to think about their regret afterwards. "How did I let that happen?" "Why didn't I say something?" "Why didn't I stop him?"

Her friends ask her conspirationally how things went and, too ashamed to tell them anything, she stammers out some noncommittal response and quickly changes the subject.

Haha, I love it.

On Chubby Chasing

2005-02-01T23:24:23Z

As a lifelong admirer of juicy, curvaceous women, I have observed an unfortunate phenomenon- some big girls think there is something wrong with guys who are attracted to their larger size.

It’s as if they’d prefer that a guy be attracted to them DESPITE their shape instead of BECAUSE of it. Obviously, most people want more than a physical attraction from a serious partner, but everyone deserves someone who finds them desirable.

I realize that this may often stem from not finding themselves beautiful and not being able to understand why anyone else would, and that the mainstream media’s tragically narrow portrayal of what is beautiful and sexy simultaneously creates and reinforces this negative self-image.

Still, it’s too bad.

A slightly funnier variation I’ve run into is the borderline plumpette who is offended upon learning that her suitor likes 'em large, as if to say “I’m not that fat, you jerk!”

Love This Drawing

2005-01-21T21:56:25Z

Found this in another Journal and just had to add it to my collection.

Damn, that looks good.

Partner In Crime

2005-01-12T20:01:48Z

There's something about a woman that has no sexual sympathy for other women that really turns me on.

I would love for some twisted, unfeeling bitch to be my partner in crime in thoroughly abusing and degrading an innocent little slut.

The thought of her getting off and cheering me on while I punish another whore is really hot.

"Yeah, choke that little bitch!"

"Oh my god! Her ass is so fat! Hahaha."

"Jam her face in my ass! How's that smell, you little whore?"

"What's the matter? Don't like it up your butt? Who cares! Pound that shit! Make it hurt!"

I have no shame about wanting to satisfy my own, twisted desires, even if it's at someone else's expense.

It'd be fun to play with a female accomplice as fucked up as I am.

No Wrapping Required

2004-12-10T23:37:57Z

I would like a girl to offer to gain 20 pounds as a gift to me.

Your Stories

2004-12-06T16:41:56Z

I've shared a lot of depraved little tales here and have enjoyed every minute of it.

However, I'm curious to hear some stories from my female readers.

Ladies, what is the most humiliating thing that has ever happened to you sexually?

Don't spare us the gory details.

Angels With Dirty Faces

2004-11-19T17:32:48Z

Smeared make-up, especially running eyeliner, drives me absolutely wild.

I don't really care how it got that way.

Did someone do something bad to you? Been crying your little eyes out? Or are you just a groggy, what-the-hell-happened-last-night kind of slut?

Doesn't matter.

The combination of dirty, vulnerable and violated is really too much.

She's Beautiful Like This

2004-11-19T17:19:30Z

analinguist @ 2004-11-11T14:02:00

2004-11-11T19:07:51Z

GAL'S SICK KID-SEX 'FANTASY'

By JOE McGURK and KATE SHEEHY
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

November 9, 2004 -- The young blond mom who seduced her 8-year- old neighbor was playing out her ultimate "fantasy" by engaging in kinky sex trysts with the baby-faced boy, cops said yesterday.
The distraught mother of Tammy Imre's little "boyfriend" had to be restrained by relatives in Superior Court in Bridgeport as the 29-year-old Stratford suspect was ordered held on $250,000 bail for sex assault.

"It was like a fantasy, and I was the girlfriend, and he was the boyfriend, and someday, we could be in a relationship," Imre, a former model and aspiring actress, told cops when pressed about her bizarre affair with the boy, a playmate of her 7-year-old daughter.

Cops said they learned about the pair's alleged sex flings after the boy's brother found an incriminating note from Imre to her victim.

In it, she writes:

"OK, I'm glad you finally told me why you don't want me to take those pills. I hope it's the truth because I don't want anyone but you! Now tomorrow, it's supposed to rain. You can come over and do you know what."

The boy's mom said she believes that the "pills" Imre is writing about are birth-control pills.

"She ruined my child," the mom said angrily after court yesterday.

Imre's mom, Evelyn, admitted that her daughter has "a little mental problem" but declined further comment.

"I love her. She didn't do anything wrong," Evelyn Imre insisted.

Tammy Imre — dressed in jeans, black boots and a black leather jacket — remained mum throughout her hearing before being taken to a jail to await another court appearance Nov. 30.

Sickening new details of the woman's alleged affair with the third-grader showed how the pair's once-friendly relationship morphed into a horrific case of abuse over possibly as much as the past year.

Tammy Imre said the two began hanging out every day about a year ago, with her taking him and her daughter to the playground and out to eat at fast-food restaurants. She also took the boy to the mall and would buy him toys, his mom said.

Then things turned passionate, Imre said.

"He had a crush on me, and it turned into an obsession — I wanted him to come over just to kiss," the woman said, according to cops.

At one point, the pair stripped down to their underwear to fool around, she said.

The suspect's daughter admitted to investigators, "My mother does disgusting things with [the boy].

"I saw him get a razor and shave her private parts," the girl said.

Even her pals began to question the relationship.

"I would hang out with them, and they acted like boyfriend and girlfriend," one friend said.

Still, another pal said she didn't believe the charges.

"[Imre] goes to church every Sunday," said the woman, who described herself as a professional psychic.

"Tammy loves children. She wouldn't do anything to hurt them. All she ever did was give the kid a kiss and a hug."

The boy's mom said her son is dealing well with the situation.

"He's just his normal self, playing video games and riding his bike," she said.

********************************************************************

I would have KILLED to have a neighbor like that when I was 8.

Damn, the thought of being 8 years-old and shaving some hot MILF pussy is turning me on right now.

I would never forgive my Mom for spoiling this situation for me.

analinguist @ 2004-11-10T12:26:00

2004-11-10T17:35:58Z

Bliss

2004-11-09T19:08:36Z

“Do you know what that is?”
Her face burned red with shame.
“I said, do you know what that is?”
“ . . . .”
“What? I can’t hear you.” I could see a tear welling up in the corner of her eye.
“Shit.”
“That’s right. Shit. Whose shit is it?”
“Mine,” she sniffled. She was kneeling before me, hands behind her back.
“How did your shit get on my cock?”
“Because . . . because I’m dirty?” she whimpered.
“That’s right. Because you’re dirty.” My cock, freshly plucked from her offending asshole, now rested an inch or two in front of her face. “Can you smell it?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, almost too embarrassed to speak.
“How does it smell?”
“ . . . .”
“No answer? Fine. You know what to do.”
She looked up at me, pleadingly, and managed to let out a “N-,” before catching herself. A low, wet rumble escaped her freshly plundered asshole and she winced in humiliation.
“C’mon, I won’t ask you twice.”
With silent resignation, she took me in her mouth. Broken, gagging with revulsion, tears streaming down her face, any last semblance of dignity completely wiped away.
It was a beautiful night.

Fat Girl

2004-10-27T16:19:11Z

It's delightfully obscene how even fully clothed her delicious curves are still on full display- a big, round butt pressed into tight jeans, ripe breasts threatening to spill out of a tank top. Tits, hips, and ass busting out-it's as if she's built just for sex and it can't be covered up or contained, essentially naked and exposed at all times.

Anything Butt Girl

2004-09-14T20:20:03Z

If I had a partner who was willing to take it in the ass everytime we fucked, I might never bother with her pussy.

Anyone else feel the same way?

Scent of A Woman

2004-09-08T17:05:00Z

M and I were at the beach this weekend. We had just gotten back from a long bike ride and were rushing to get ready to meet some friends for dinner. My lust factor was in overdrive because the last few miles of our trip M had been riding in front of me and the site of her big, round bubble butt, packed into her tight, black Capri pants, swishing back and forth in front of me was really too much. As if that sight itself wasn’t enough to drive me crazy, I kept imagining her riding in just a skimpy black thong, her big, white globes shimmying up and down, glistening with exertion in the hot sun.

When we pulled up to where we’d parked the car, my head was swimming with desire. The site of her, all rosy and sweaty from the exercise and the sunshine, her boobs straining against her tank top as she caught her breath, a thin stripe of soft, round belly peaking out above her waist, was really driving me wild. I was very unhappy that we’d brought our friend B along with us. It was near impossible to keep up my end of the conversation on the way home, my cock was rock hard and was struggling to burst free of my pants. I was thrilled to drop B off and speed back to our place.

No sooner were we in the door then M was headed to the shower to get ready.

“Wait,” I said. She turned to me, a puzzled look on her face.

“What?”

“I need your ass for 60 seconds.” She knows I don’t use the word “need” lightly.

She sighed and said “Sure, why not?” a slightly begrudging look on her face. That made it all the hotter for me. There’s nothing wrong with someone doing something *for* you. I have no problem with being indulged.

It took her a second to wiggle out of her pants, her skin still sticky from all the exercise. I was pleased, but not surprised, to discover that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. I told her to leave her cute, rose halter on. I love the way that a girl with just her top on emphasizes that her bottom is bare.

I told her to climb up on the bed and she did, lying down on her stomach, facing away from me. She looked back at me playfully. I told her to stick her ass in the air and she did. Teasingly, she positioned herself so as to keep her butt cheeks closed to me.

“C’mon, you know what I want.” I lowered my face down to within inches of her ass and she arched her back. The sight of her big, juicy cheeks slowly spreading in front of my eyes, her sweaty buns gradually coming unstuck from each other, was truly magnificent. There is something about a girl willingly displaying her asshole for my pleasure that never fails to set me on fire with lust and this time was no exception. My body involuntarily shuddered with desire as her pink and brown rosebud came into view, the fine hair of her buttcrack damp with perspiration.

If my cock was hard from the sight of her dirty little browneye winking at me from between her luscious buns, I thought it would practically explode when I caught the first whiff of the filthy, musky smell that came wafting out from her sweaty asscrack. I don’t know what it is about how I’m wired, but there’s something about a nosefull of female ass scent that literally makes me dizzy with lust. I actually get so turned on that I feel drunk and giddy. It’s like the high from the most amazing drug you’ve ever tried washing over you in one second flat.

As if the physical reaction her scent caused in me wasn’t enough, the psychological impact was pushing my arousal into total overdrive. This was the first time I’d had a chance to sniff M’s ass when it was quite so ripe. It was also the first time that she knew exactly what I was doing and why I wanted to do it then. She’s always known about my obsession with her ass, but had always made an effort to be clean before indulging my appetites. Just a few days before, under the truth-serum effects of Ecstasy, I had told her for the first time that the smell was a huge part of the turn on and if it had been a while since her last shower, all the better.

Up until the very moment she thrust her sweaty, smelly ass in my face, I had been regretting the “confession.” I feared it might make her more self-conscious about the possible scent of her butt and that I might miss out on the occasional dirty whiff due to increased hygienic vigilance. Man was I pleased that this didn’t turn out to be the case.

So there she was, face down, ass up, cheeks spread, her dirty hole and sweaty crack just inches away from my face, fully aware that I was sniffing her butthole, that I was doing it *because* it was extra dirty and smelly right then, and she was *letting* me do it. I can’t think of anything hotter than the wanton shamelessness of a girl letting you sniff the dirtiest, most private, most shameful part of her body. The whole thing was such a wonderful combination of submission and loving indulgence that I could hardly stand it. I barely had to lay a hand on my cock before I was blowing one of the biggest, hardest loads I could remember.

It took me a long time to come down from the physical and mental rush of that experience. Our friends must have thought I’d had a few tokes before arriving at dinner that night. Little did they know it wasn’t weed that I had inhaled to get high, but rather the filthy sweet aroma of M’s big, juicy ass.

Sexual Abuse + Time = Hot Lovin?

2004-08-27T17:56:53Z

A friend of mine commented the other day that, unfortunately, women who had been raped or sexually abused often made for the hottest sex partners.

I've been thinking about this, and I think he's right. I think back to my personal experience and many of the hottest, most memorable fucks I've ever had were with girls who had some kind of sexual trauma in their past.

I'm sure anyone with even a minimal understanding of the human psyche can construct a few theories as to why this might be, so I don't really feel like going into all that here.

Just curious what others' experiences in this department have been. Any thoughts/stories?

On a related note, I must confess that the idea of leaving a psychic scar on someone, branding them for life with a traumatic sexual experience, is very arousing to me. To me it would be much hotter if they were at least partially complicit/consenting, because then their memory would be tainted by shame and guilt instead of just anger.

Some of those really hardcore, abusive porn scenes really turn me on for just that reason- the girls may easily be deeply traumatized by them, waking up crying in the middle of the night for years, but they will surely feel they have no one to blame but themselves for having agreed to such an awful experience. It's as if they've raped themselves.

An Interesting Conversation

2004-08-20T16:30:38Z

I was pleasantly surprised by how popular my After The After Party entry has been (see below if you want to read it). I've received a lot of interesting, smart and sexy responses. Some outraged ones too. I'm posting one particular back and forth because I happen to think it's pretty intersting.

Here it is-

Anonymous: i hope you aren't still with M cause if you are i feel slightly depressed

Analinguist: There's something funny about someone reading this story and being alarmed by possible infidelity.

To answer your question, not all of these stories are in chronological order, I just post something when it pops into my head and I have the time to write it down.

Anonymous: well personally i want to think every possible perversion is okay when two people love each other and that it's still romantic. maybe i'm a romantic. but the second the perversion leads someone to cheat on someone they love it just isn't romantic anymore. why's it funny if someone is alarmed by possible infidelity? if my boyfriend ever cheated on me it would kill me. and if he lied about it i'd want to kill him. either way i still don't know if you cheat on your girl or not.

Analinguist: You may have come to the wrong place for romance.

Did you read the part about forcing a girl to suck her own shit off my finger when she was too drunk to know what was going on or remember afterwards?

Anonymous: so you'd rather be a pervert than have a meaningful relationship with someone?
it sounds like you're too disrepectful and misogynistic to actually care about anyone but yourself.

Analinguist: I've found that you can be a disrespectful, misogynistic pervert (some of the time) and still have meaningful, caring relationships.

Your mileage may vary.

Anonymous: if you're misogynistic, why would you ever really care about any particular woman? isn't MUTUAL RESPECT a major part of having a meaningful or caring relationship?
besides, you didn't even give that girl an orgasm, she's probably not just thinking she licked your asshole, she's probably thinking, wow, that was the worst sex ever.

I think you should read Cunt, by Inga Muscio. You really need to get beaten up hard by a girl who doesn't hate herself.

Analinguist: Wow, you're really concerned what some stranger does in their private life, huh?

Like it or not, there are women out there who enjoy being dominated, humiliated and used, SOME OF THE TIME. There are men who enjoy dominating, humiliating and using women, SOME OF THE TIME. There are people who enjoy the reverse of that dynamic, I just don't happen to be one.

It's a little simplistic to think that people have to behave in a certain way, have a certain outlook or a certain kind of relationship 100% of the time, don't you think?

Anonymous: like i don't understand the desire to be dominated. or to dominate, for that matter. wanting to be humiliated or used in the real world, not just as play in the bedroom, i guess i just don't get.

i think you're more narcissistic than anything else. and that just makes you seem pretty selfish in bed, almost all the time. I'm not saying that's bad for you. I just think it would suck to be your partner, cause it seems like you really don't give a shit if the girl enjoys herself or if she really doesn't. I don't think you'd know the difference between when a girl really MEANS no and when she says no and doesn't really mean it. because if she really means no, you're going to be too dense to hear it as a true and IMPORTANT thing.

All i'm saying is that making it enjoyable for the girl is just as important as it is for you and there are plenty of selfish guys but that's not a good thing. I live in a world where it's acceptable for a guy to just get off, roll over, and fall asleep, and in my mind, that is never acceptable cause it makes me feel like a pocket pussy or something like that. that's when you have to grab the guy by the neck and dig your nails in somewhere else and say, if you don't please me right now, you're gonna get hurt.

anyway how would you feel if a girl managed to dominate you?

Analinguist: Here's the funny part. You know that guy in every group of friends that is known for being the sweetest, most considerate, loving and romantic boyfriend? The one that all the guys get annoyed with because the girls are always saying "Why can't you be more like him?" That's me.

It's not a front. It's just one of several authentic aspects of who I am.

No one I'd want to know could be summed up by one approach to life, work, sex, love, etc. Interesting people are multi-faceted and often contradictory. That's true for me in many areas, especially sex and relationships.

SOMETIMES, I'm the sweetest, most gentle, most romantic, considerate, loving, generous partner and lover you could hope for.

SOMETIMES, I like to PLAY intense games of dominance and submission with willing, informed partners.

SOMETIMES, I like to actually border-line rape and abuse someone for real, especially when I know I can get away with it.

I know it disturbs some people that some of these tendencies exist at all, let alone within the same person. I make no apologies or excuses for who I am. I am part "good," part "evil," just like anyone else.

As for "making it enjoyable for the girl," one has to define what one's setting out to do before establishing a goal, right? Obviously, in a "vanilla" encounter, mutual physical and emotional pleasure is the goal. To set out on that course and only travel as far as is necessary to please yourself and then go to sleep is oafish and immature.

In a consensual DS encounter, the physical and emotional connection is primarily related to the manipulation of power. For some people this does nothing, for others it's the best there is. I have given some women earth-shaking orgasms just by restraining them and slapping them around, never setting a finger on their pussies. Obviously, if that doesn't do it for you, it doesn't do it for you.

And in an encounter where consent is in question, well, isn't thinking only of yourself and taking what you want kind of the point? Most people never know what it's like to indulge those instincts. I assure you, it's quite amazing.

As for a woman dominating me, it doesn't do anything for me, so it's unlikely to happen. If it turned me on, I'd be doing it tonight.

I know it's hard for some people to accept that some people like to actually abuse (some of the time) and that some people like to be actually abused (some of the time), whether they know it or not, but nonetheless that is the case.

The world is a complicated, often fucked up, often wonderful place, filled with complicated, often fucked up, often wonderful people. I see no reason to pretend any different.

Savage Love

2004-07-21T15:19:18Z

Below is a letter from a column that Dan Savage recently ran. I thought it was pretty interesting and I'll explain why below.

********************************************************************************

Savage Love
by Dan Savage
July 13th, 2004 1:00 PM

Q. My fetish is pretty unoriginal, but has been lacking attention in your column. I have a breast fetish. More specifically, I like bigger-than-your-head breasts. Could you find out why all the huge-breasted porn stars of the mid '90s (Tiffany Towers, Wendy Whoppers) left the industry and why there aren't any new ones replacing them? And more importantly, how do I find a partner willing (and eager) to get her breasts enlarged to epic proportions? —BOY REQUESTING EDUCATION ABOUT SUPER TITS

A . If you Google "huge breasts," you get 1,170,000 hits. But if you Google "huge balls," you get only 67,000. And if you Google "huge asshole," you get 8,830—including a link to the official White House website! My assistant, Mahrya, discovered these amazing facts, BREAST, while tracking down Towers and Whoppers, neither of whom responded, as they say at The New York Times, to my repeated requests for comment. I could've looked up "huge breasts" myself, I suppose, but enormoboobs are so early-to-mid Clinton-era, you know? I like to reserve my time for researching newer, freakier fetishes, thank you very much, so it seemed like the perfect assignment for my assistant. Apparently not. Shortly after tracking down Towers, Mahrya informed me that she's moving on; she found more respectable work at a law firm, where she won't have to Google "huge breasts" ever again. (The partners will have to Google that for themselves.) While I'm sorry to see her go—thanks for everything, Mahrya—I'm looking forward to hiring a new assistant. Does spending the day Googling enormoboobs, tracking down retired porn stars, and gently reminding me about deadlines I've already missed sound appealing? Send me an e-mail. (Male applicants are encouraged to enclose pictures of themselves in Speedos.)

On to your issues, BREAST: Since Miss Towers and Miss Whoppers wouldn't speak to me, I can't tell you precisely where they've gone. (Perhaps to see surgeons about having those basketball-size implants removed?) But I can tell you why the boom in enormoboobs went—wait for it—bust. The sudden appearance of women with ridiculously huge boob implants was arousing in part because of its shock value—the shock of women with such exaggerated racks, of course, but also the more important and, sadly, infinitely more arousing shock of women finding a way to imperil their health to attract the attention of men. Men always find it arousing when women go to bizarre extremes—self-mutilation (bound feet) and self-torture (high heels)—to make themselves more attractive, and enormoboobs were extreme in the extreme. That they played into the deeply ingrained and thoroughly eroticized misogyny that plagues all human cultures to varying degrees was lost on most men. (Let's not be relativist about this: I'm sure most women would prefer to live in a culture that allows women who want enormoboobs to go and get them over, say, a culture that compels all women to have their clits cut off.)

So why did enormoboobs go bust? Once the shock value wore off, what was left? Women with huge racks. But when you've seen 20 or 30 women with huge breasts tossing chairs at each other on Jerry Springer, the fetish doesn't seem so fresh anymore. The porn market moved on, Towers and Whoppers found it harder to get work, and new porn stars didn't line up for enormoboob jobs because there wasn't any money in it. While the culture has moved on to other fetishes, you've still got a bone for enormoboobs. That's a problem, because finding a partner willing to torture herself by getting huge implants is going to be tough. Most of the women who got them were looking to cash in on the porn-driven craze for huge breasts or go on Springer and toss chairs around. They didn't do it to please themselves or one guy. Body mods, however, are an emerging fetish; you might find a woman into body mods who would be willing to blow her chest up to enormous proportions to please you. She may insist, however, that you reciprocate by blowing your balls up. She'll have a hard time standing, and you'll have a hard time sitting, but we all have to make sacrifices for love, right?

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This was the part I found particularly interesting-

"The sudden appearance of women with ridiculously huge boob implants was arousing in part because of its shock value—the shock of women with such exaggerated racks, of course, but also the more important and, sadly, infinitely more arousing shock of women finding a way to imperil their health to attract the attention of men. Men always find it arousing when women go to bizarre extremes—self-mutilation (bound feet) and self-torture (high heels)—to make themselves more attractive, and enormoboobs were extreme in the extreme. That they played into the deeply ingrained and thoroughly eroticized misogyny that plagues all human cultures to varying degrees was lost on most men."

This point certainly wasn't lost on me. I actually find the appearance of breast implants very unappealing, sometimes outright disgusting. But, especially in the case of the monstrously huge ones the letter writer is talking about, there was always something both hot and disturbing about a woman being depraved enough to go to that much trouble, expense and discomfort to look like a slut and try and be attractive to men. The fact that, in my case, it didn't work and that she only wound up looking freakish and desperate made it even more of a turn on.

I point this out only because Savage is the first I've seen write about the *appeal* of the misogynistic undertones of breast enhancement. However, even he extends men too much (too little?) credit by assuming that this element of their appeal is unconscious and goes over the heads of most guys, who prefer to think they just like really big tits.

I guess I'm curious if there's anyone else who is conscious of seeing things the way I do- that a woman's desperate desire to transform herself into a cartoonish parody of what she perceives to be the male ideal in a depraved attempt to win male approval is the *only* part of this genre of erotica that's arousing?

After the after-party

2004-07-13T19:16:03Z

There’s this girl named R who’s been around my circle of friends since high school and has always been perceived as the pinnacle of hotness, the girl that all my guy friends secretly (or not so secretly) lust after. She and I have been good friends for a long time, mostly due to our shared appetite for late nights and alcohol. We spend a lot of time talking about sex, but not in a flirty way. It’s weird, even though she’s smoking hot, the vibe between us has always been more along the lines of two guy friends. I was always attracted to her, but she had so many guys sweating her all the time that I didn’t feel like playing myself out by joining their ranks. Plus, I dug her as a drinking buddy and didn’t want to risk changing that.

Guess it’s no real surprise that the alternate personality that emerges when I’m completely, shit-faced drunk was not too concerned about pride or preserving friendship. R and I were at the after-party for some music biz event and the champagne was flowing like water. Things get pretty hazy, but I remember helping myself to two full bottles of Kristal and the bartender not even batting an eye. This evening was without a doubt one of the most wasted I’ve ever been, and R was right there with me every step of the way. Somewhere between a half-dozen embarrassing conversations with demi-celebrities and ditching the rest of our crew to go back to my place, ostensibly to have another beer, R and I started making out. Couldn’t tell you how, where or when, I just remember kissing and groping passionately in the cab to my apartment.

I know I opened two beers when we arrived, because I found them sitting untouched on the coffee table the next day. I also vaguely remember making out on the couch in the living room. This was confirmed for me the next day by the discovery of one of her earrings on the floor, having been dislodged by a sweater sliding over her head. I also remember saying “Wanna go into the bedroom?” and her saying yes.

We go into the bedroom and she starts taking of her clothes. One thing I should have mentioned earlier is that her breasts are absolutely enormous. Seriously, they’re legendary throughout the city. I know for a fact that hundreds of guys have spent hours dreaming of getting their eyes and hands on them. When she slipped off her tank top, revealing all their round, brown-nippled glory, there was this moment of “I can’t believe this is actually happening” that I haven’t experienced since my first time touching pussy, my first blowjob, my first fuck. That’s when the good me was completely submerged by the evil me.

Basically, who- or what- ever was flying the plane in my head decided to be as rough, indulgent and selfish as possible, to try and satisfy whatever depraved cravings I could get away with. What made it extra hot, and extra crazy in retrospect, is that this wasn’t an actual couple deciding to experiment with dominance and submission, talking things through first. This was a rampaging, drunken me ACTUALLY subjugating this girl that I’d known for years just a few hours after the very first time we kissed. What’s even wilder is that she went along with it. That taught me a lot about how most people are unwilling to resist someone who strongly asserts their dominance.

You know how in a movie thriller they’ll portray the perspective of an extreme drunken flashback in a certain way? Flashes of things happening in between patches of darkness, the camera reeling wildly around the room? That’s exactly how I remember the next few hours. It’s hard for me to tell exactly what order things happened in, but looking back I can more or less piece things together.

I remember being on top of her, marveling at her enormous boobs as I sucked her big, hard nipples into my mouth. I remember kissing her passionately and wetly as I slid my hand down to her pussy to find it waxed completely bare and absolutely drenched. It’s wild to hear someone you know and don’t expect to hook up with comment that they wax and then, later on, experience it first hand.

It was around this time that I slid my hand around her throat and began to press down. I’ve played mild choking games with plenty of girls before and they almost all seem to like it. R was no exception. This time I decided to see how far I could go. I kept pressing down, harder and harder, never letting go. After a while, I didn’t even bother to keep playing with her pussy. I just lifted myself up a little and straight up choked her. It didn’t take long for her eyes to start to bulge and for her to start thrashing around. Soon she started grasping at my hand with actual desperation. This wasn’t something we had talked about or planned or experimented with before, this was me actually strangling her. She knew I was completely wasted. She’d never hooked up with me before. Despite being friends, she didn’t know whether or not I was some total psycho behind closed doors. She was actually afraid and what I was doing felt actually dangerous to me. Needless to say, it was fucking amazing.

Finally, after watching her struggle for a little while, I let go. She sat up like a shot, gulping down a huge mouthful of air and then sitting there panting. Eventually she turned to me and said, “You almost killed me.” She didn’t say it loud, or angry, or even that shocked, just kind of flat. But I heard everything I needed to hear in her voice- fear, curiosity and, most importantly, arousal.

From that point on it was clear what was going on- I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted with her and she was going to take it. This would have been hot enough for me with some random stranger, but to be given the license to sexually abuse an old friend of mine, especially one that had every guy I know dreaming of a kiss on the cheek and a glimpse of cleavage, well, it really was just too much. I guess it’s true what they say, nice guys finish last.

I rolled over on my back and put my hand on the back of her neck. I pushed her head down to my cock and she began to suck it. She was doing a good job, but I was interested in something more than an average blowjob. I began to thrust deep towards her throat, grabbing the back of her head and forcing it down to the base of my cock. It was really hot to watch her body convulse as she gagged and choked on my cock, drool spilling out of her mouth and down my balls. I enjoyed feeling her struggle to get free, gasping for air, as I held her tight, pushing my hard cock deeper into her mouth. It’s an amazing feeling, to surrender to your worst, most selfish side, to erase any vestige of the other person’s humanity from your mind, seeing them as only a toy for your amusement and pleasure.

However, a blowjob, even a really rough one, is still just a blowjob and I wanted to see how far I could take this. I grabbed the back of her head and pushed her mouth down to my balls. I paused there for a minute, enjoying the way she was frantically tonguing and slobbering on my balls like some lust crazed animal. Then I pushed her head lower, down towards my asshole.

This is where I was sure she’d draw the line. It didn’t shock me that a spoiled little daddy’s girl could be persuaded to go along with a little rough stuff and submission, in fact, you kind of expect it. I figured a face full of stinky man ass would be too much for her. Much to my surprise, I was wrong. I gotta give the little princess credit, she knew her job and was going to stick it out until it was done. She just paused to give me this look that said, “Really?” and then went right to work.

I was really surprised how quickly she just dove right in. I mean, it’s not like I’d just come out of the shower or anything. I’d been at work all day and out drinking all night, things were bound to be pretty ripe down there. I would have understood if she’d ventured in gingerly, but this was not the case. She just straight up started tonguing my asshole like a champ, running her tongue up and down over it, lubing my crack with her saliva. Man, I was on the verge of losing it, this really was too amazing. Once again, I grabbed the back of her head and pushed it hard towards my asshole, feeling her tongue actually slip up inside my ass as I did. I wanted to make sure what was happening wasn’t lost on her, so I started saying, “Yeah that’s right you nasty little bitch, lick my ass,” and “You like that you little slut, you like sticking your tongue up my dirty ass?” Not only did her sweet, young tongue feel absolutely heavenly, but the site of this “untouchable goddess” with her head buried between my ass cheeks, her eyes peering up at me, seeking approval, while she tried to respond “Yeah” and “Uh-huh” with her tongue snaking up my ass was enough to push me over the edge.

I started stroking my cock like mad, pausing every now and then to smack her in the face with it, which only seemed to increase the frenzy of her hungry mouth against my bunghole. It wasn’t long before I was unleashing a massive torrent of come all over her pretty little face. For some reason, this seemed to break the spell for her, snapping her out of her lust trance. Rather quietly and somewhat shocked she said, “You came on my face.”

We lay there for a little while, both trying to get a grip on what had just happened. Before long she said, “I better get home,” and got up and left. I love the idea of her riding home in a taxi, thinking “What did I just do?” or her waking up hung-over the next day, not remembering anything, then cringing with embarrassment and horror as memory slowly trickled back.

The weird thing is this little episode really didn’t affect our friendship. We’ve never really talked about it and it’s almost like it never happened, although we both know that’s not the case. She’s married now and, even though I like her husband, every time I see them I can’t help thinking to myself, “Your wife licked my asshole.” The funny thing is, I can tell she’s thinking it too.

Dirty Panties

2004-03-15T22:16:28Z

Another FetishConfess comment, this time in response to a post about dirty panties.

http://www.livejournal.com/community/fetishconfess/356510.html?view=2146206#t2146206

Dirty panties can be really hot. As a teenager I used to love to steal the dirty panties of my friends' sisters. Being a real ass fetishist, even then, sniffing and licking their butt stains used to make me come extra hard. Would certainly do it again now if I got the chance. I have a fantasy of hooking up with a girl and discovering she has skidmarks in her whire cotton panties. I love thinking about how horrified she'd be if she knew I was seeing shit stains in her panties.

Kinkiest? Maybe

2004-03-15T21:55:09Z

Something I posted as a response to "What's The Kinkiest Thing You've Ever Done?" over in FetishConfess. Enjoy.

M and I had just gotten home from a night out and she was pretty wasted. Always a nice development for me, because I know it means I'll get to play with her asshole, something she's not really into when she's thinking clearly. After a few lubricating licks around her butthole, I crammed my finger up there, only to run my fingertip into the end of a log of shit waiting in her upper tunnel. Pulling my finger out, I saw that the tip was a bit fudgy. Knowing she was barely aware of what was going on and would never remember in the morning, I proceeded to stick my finger in her mouth and have her suck it. She made a funny face and kind of wrinkled her nose a little, but kept right on sucking away on my finger. Just to be fair, I tasted a little too. Having my girl unknowingly suck her own shit off my finger has to be the kinkiest thing I've ever done. The fact that she would have been horrified beyond belief if she knew or remembered made it that much hotter.